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我们为何恋爱，又为何不忠2015-09-11 08:51:00　阅读 次 参与讨论()马上投稿

　　你的孩子可能正在好奇，为什么就算曾被心仪的人拒绝，或者拒绝了不喜欢的人，甚至在感情上遭受了重重打击，过了段时间后，人还是会想再去恋爱、去谈感情，就算可能又会再次被伤害？

　　视频播放片长：23分24秒

　　I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trendsin the coming century,and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.But I want to start with my work on romantic love,because that's my most recent work.What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love,into a functional MRI brain scanner.17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted;and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped.And so I want to tell you about that first,and then go on into where I think love is going.(Laughter)

　　我今天要讲俩个下世纪的大趋势也很有可能是未来10,000年的趋势但是，我想首先从我对爱情的研究讲起因为这是我最近的工作。我和我的同事对32个深陷爱情中的人进行了功能性核磁共振大脑扫描这些人中的17个人获取了异性的芳心其他的15个人则刚刚被甩所以我想先讲一下这个实验然后是我对爱情的理解

　　"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said.I think our ancestors --I think human beings have been wondering about this questionsince they sat around their campfiresor lay and watched the stars a million years ago.I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love wasby looking at the last 45 years of the psychological researchand as it turns out,there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love.The first thing that happens is,a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning."As a truck driver once said to me,"The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."

　　莎士比亚曾经问道：“爱情是什么？”我想我们的祖先对这个问题的困惑从一百万年前他们围坐在篝火边或者躺着看星星时就开始了为了找到浪漫爱情的内涵我翻阅了45年来心理学方面的研究成果发现当人们陷入爱情的时候会发生一些特殊的现象首先会发生的是另一个人开始被赋予了“特殊意义”就像一个卡车司机曾经对我说我的世界有了一个新的中心，那就是Mary Anne

　　George Bernard Shaw said it differently."Love consists of overestimating the differencesbetween one woman and another."And indeed, that's what we do.(Laughter)And then you just focus on this person.You can list what you don't like about them,but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do.As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."

　　而萧伯纳用不同的方式表达了同样的意思他说，爱情中的人会夸大一个女人和另外一个女人的差别而事实也确实是这样的。（笑声）然后你就会把全部的关注放在这个人身上虽然你也可以列出你不喜欢他/她的地方但对缺点马上置之不理，然后全力去爱她/他就像乔叟说的那样，“爱情是盲目的”

　　In trying to understand romantic love,I decided I would read poetry from all over the world,and I just want to give you one very short poemfrom eighth-century China,because it's an almost perfect exampleof a man who is focused totally on a particular woman.It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebodyand you walk into a parking lot --their car is different from every other car in the parking lot.Their wine glass at dinneris different from every other wine glass at the dinner party.And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

　　为了理解浪漫爱情我决定阅读来自世界各地的诗歌现在我想给你们读一首写于八世纪中国的小诗因为它几近完美的展现了一个男人是怎样全身心的关注一个女人就像一个人疯狂的爱上一个人的时候，这个人走进停车场。他会觉得这个人的车与其他任何车都不一样这个人晚宴上的红酒杯也和其他任何的酒杯不一样在这个故事里，一个男人迷上了一张竹席

　　And it goes like this.It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen."I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat.The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out."He became hooked on a sleeping mat,probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain,just like with you and me.

　　这首诗是诗人元稹所写的：竹簟衬重茵，未忍都令卷。忆昨初来日，看君自施展他之所以迷上一个竹席，可能跟你我一样，因为头脑里的多巴胺增多而引起的反应

　　But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning,you focus your attention on them.You aggrandize them.But you have intense energy.As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky."You're up all night. You're walking till dawn.You feel intense elation when things are going well;mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly.Real dependence on this person.As one businessman in New York said to me,"Anything she liked, I liked."Simple. Romantic love is very simple.

　　但不管怎么说，不仅这个人对你来说有特殊的含义你会全身心的关注他或她。你会对他/她极度的吹捧。而且你的精力旺盛异常就像一个波利尼亚人说的那样：“我觉得仿佛飞到了空中”你会整晚都睡不着。你会一直走黎明当事情进展顺利的时候，你会觉得兴高采烈当事情不顺利的时候，你又会陷入极度的失望和恐慌。你完全依赖于这个人了就像一个纽约的商人对我说的， “她喜欢的任何东西我都喜欢”简单，爱情就是那么简单。

　　You become extremely sexually possessive.You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually,you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else.But the moment you fall in love,you become extremely sexually possessive of them.I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this.The whole point of this is to pull two people togetherstrongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

　　你会对性有极强的占有欲。你知道，如果你只是随随便便和一个人上床，你并不会在意他/她是否和其他人上床但当你陷入爱情的时候你对性会有极强的占有欲我想这种现象是遵循尔达文进化论的，也促进了人类的进化因为爱情让两个人紧紧绑在了一起，这种关系牢固到足以让两个人在一起生儿育女

　　But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving:an intense craving to be with a particular person,not just sexually, but emotionally.It would be nice to go to bed with them,but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,to tell you that they love you.The other main characteristic is motivation.The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

　　但爱情最重要的特征是渴望对某一个人，不仅是性上的，还包括感情上的渴望。当然能和他/她同床共枕是很好的，但你更期待他/她会给你打电话，约你出去，等等希望他告诉你他爱你爱情另外一个主要的特征是动机。你已经迫不及待的开始行动，你想得到这个人。

　　And last but not least, it is an obsession.Before I put these people in the MRI machine,I would ask them all kinds of questions.But my most important question was always the same.It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?"And indeed, they would say,"All day. All night.I can never stop thinking about him or her."

　　爱情的最后一个也是同样重要的特征是痴迷当我让他们进入核磁共振机之前我会问他们各种各样的问题但最重要的问题始终是一个“你一天之中有多少时间是在想念这个人的？”他们会说，“整天整夜。从来没停止过想念”

　　And then, the very last question --I would always have to work myself up to this question,because I'm not a psychologist.I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation.My final question was always the same.I would say, "Would you die for him or her?"And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!"as if I had asked them to pass the salt.I was just staggered by it.

　　然后，我会问他们最后一个问题，我经常会想方设法引导他们去回答这个问题因为我不是一个心理学家我没法治愈人们心灵的创伤这个最后的问题也始终是那一个：“你会为这个人去死吗？”这些人会说“会的！”就好像我请他们把盐递给我那样理所当然对这样的回答，我感到很震惊。

　　So we scanned their brains,looking at a photograph of their sweetheartand looking at a neutral photograph,with a distraction task in between.So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened stateand when it was in a resting state.And we found activity in a lot of brain regions.In fact, one of the most important was a brain regionthat becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine.And indeed, that's exactly what happens.

　　我让他们先看一幅爱人的照片，然后再让他们看一幅不相关的照片，并监测了他们大脑的活动我们会发现同一个大脑在某一时刻达到最强烈的活动状态又在什么时候处于休息的状态我们也发现相当多的大脑区域变得活跃而事实上我们最关注的一个大脑区域是那个让你对可卡因感到渴求的大脑区域而这正是人们看到爱人照片时的反应

　　I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion.In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions,from very high to very low.But actually, it's a drive.It comes from the motor of the mind,the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind.The kind of part of the mindwhen you're reaching for that piece of chocolate,when you want to win that promotion at work.The motor of the brain.It's a drive.

　　我开始意识到浪漫爱情并不仅仅是一种情绪我曾经认为爱情就是一系列的情绪从非常强烈到非常微弱的但事实上，爱情是一种驱动力 它来自于心灵深处的动力来自于我们内心的欲望，一种强烈的愿望这种动力，就像你想要得到那一块巧克力一样就像你想要在工作中获得晋升一样它在驱动我们的大脑活动，它是我们的驱动力

　　And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive.You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you,and they say, "No, thank you,"you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression.But certainly, around the world,people who are rejected in love will kill for it.People live for love.They kill for love.They die for love.They have songs, poems, novels,sculptures, paintings, myths, legends.In over 175 societies,people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system.I have come to thinkit's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earthfor both great joy and great sorrow.

　　我认为这种动力比性的动力更为的强大当你问别人是否愿意和你上床，如果这个人说“不”你肯定不会因为这个自杀或是患上忧郁症但在全世界范围内，人们如果被爱拒绝，就会为此而轻生人们为爱而生，为爱而杀，为爱而死他们为爱创作了歌曲，诗歌，小说，雕塑，画作，神话故事和传奇在超过175个社会里，人们都用不同的证据证明了这部分大脑组织是如此强大让人们大喜大悲所以我认为它是世上最强大的大脑组织

　　（由于字数有限，只能翻译部分）